Perhaps the reason why I have found it difficult to write is because the equilibrium of reflection/action is upset.
When I was an intern, the compulsion to write was overwhelming because I spent so much time doing and hardly any time being. The act of writing—choosing words, creating phrases, generating thoughtfulness—forced me to slow down and reflect.
These days, I spend so much time reflecting (as a function of learning about and incorporating skills into psychotherapy) that I feel a stronger pull to do stuff. Hence the dance classes, improv classes, teaching efforts, etc.
It’s not that I lack stories… it’s just that I am unable to be still.
I’m not pleased with this development.
It also doesn’t help that my pendulum for guardedness has oscillated close to its extreme.
10 Mar 2007 |
Hi Maria,
I’ve always lurked and never commented but your post today compelled me to. I have the same feeling about the imbalance between action and reflection in my own life. Doing a Phd gives you too much time and content to reflect on, and not much action. This imbalance has changed aspects of my personality and I’ve gone from being a person completely comfortable with myself to someone who always seeks company to enjoy life. I’ve blogged about this here: http://sharoda.blogspot.com/2007/03/displaced.html
Sorry for the long comment. Your writing helps me clarify my own thinking. Thanks
Comment by Sharoda | 10 Mar 2007 @ 1:56pm
I guess I don’t see the problem. You seem to be saying that at one time your need to be active (externally induced need, I gather) was counterbalanced by your internally induced drive to write, and now your environmentally induced need to be reflective is counterbalanced by your internally induced need to be active. Sounds like a clear case of mens sana in corpore sano, or a desire for equilibrium. What am I missing, other than the connection between that and a greater need for guardedness?
Comment by bill | 10 Mar 2007 @ 4:43pm
Maybe some methylphenidate would help you stay still :D
It might mean that the stories you tell now will be of a different nature to those you used to tell. Somehow.
Comment by yay | 11 Mar 2007 @ 3:00am
bill said: “What am I missing, other than the connection between that and a greater need for guardedness?”
Maria says: I want to write. I miss my prolific past.
Comment by Maria | 11 Mar 2007 @ 2:52pm
Oh. It edited out the bits where I said I was entering flippant mode and then exiting it. Just imagine “flippant” tags around my first line :)
Comment by yay | 12 Mar 2007 @ 2:26am