Economics can totally and completely interfere with the appropriate delivery of health care. The system ends up punishing those who try to engage in preventative care and “rewards” those who have suffered significant morbidity—and only after the adverse event has occurred.

I feel angry. Rant or open letter to follow when I feel calmer.

I was seated at the perimeter of the dance floor for a break, both enjoying the sight of couples moving to the music and the sensation of the cool night air flowing through the open window. She skittered towards me and slid into the empty seat next to me.

“See that guy over there?” she asked, discreetly pointing in the two o’clock direction.

“Which guy?” I answered, seeing at least five couples moving in and out of that ill-defined area.

“See the guy with the fluffy blonde hair and black shirt?”

“Oh—okay—yeah?” I finally answered, spotting the man in question laughing as he tried to spin the follow.

“He’s an Asian-phile,” my Asian friend replied. There was a hint of impatience and mild contempt in her voice. I looked at the follow and, coincidentally, she was indeed Asian.

Skeptical, I asked, “How do you know?”

“Because he’s only asked Asian girls to dance. He’s asked me to dance three times. He keeps staring at me when he’s not dancing. It’s creepy. And he’s danced with her”—he pointed at his current dance partner—”for three songs in a row now.”

We watched them. Both appeared relatively new to dancing. The lead pulled the follow in close and upon turning around, saw me looking at him. I immediately looked away.

“He just kept staring and I finally asked my boyfriend to give me a kiss. So be careful, okay?” my friend cautioned.

I murmured a barely perceptible “mm hm” that she likely did not hear, as Ella Fitzgerald’s melodic voice overpowered my prim response.

For the remainder of the evening, I found myself avoiding the alleged Asian-phile.

I wondered if my behavior was unfair.

What if, I questioned, he just likes the way Asian women look? Do I fault men who prefer blondes? Do I fault women who prefer men who are taller than them? What about the people who won’t date people who do not have college degrees? What is the difference between these preferences and Asian-philia?

Furthermore, could I fault this man for his preference when Asian women clearly stick out at these dances? Most dancers are white—which reflects that most people who live in the Seattle area are white. On any given night, there are usually about three Asian women (and maybe as many Asian men) who dance in a crowd of at least 150 people.

People see us because we look different.

Perhaps, I considered, we assume that the Asian-philes hold inaccurate stereotypes in their minds about Asian women. We make assumptions about their assumptions and we’re subsequently offended.

Some people believe that Asian women are

• submissive
• demure
• adoring
• domesticated
• quiet
• speak only when spoken to
• shy
• inhibited

Other people believe that Asian women are

• exotic
• lascivious (think about the stereotypes of commercial sex in Thailand)
• wicked (but in sexy, temptress sort of way—consider Fu Manchu’s female accomplices)

The blending of these two categories makes for a mythical fantasy: A demure, seemingly submissive, exotic, and lascivious sex kitten from Ze Orient.

I suppose there are some Asian women who capitalize on this stereotype. Those of us who fit yet another Asian stereotype

• overly educated
• diligent
• intelligent in that brainy sort of way

take umbrage at that. Why? Because we don’t want to be reduced to living blow-up dolls? Because we believe submission is not becoming on us? Because we want to subvert The (White) Man?

Because, no, we don’t “likee soupee“?

And maybe these are merely assumptions about assumptions. Or maybe not.

And isn’t there often a grain of truth—even if it is a tiny, tiny grain—in these stereotypes? But is it fair to use a broad brush when a fine brush is more appropriate?

A good friend of mine—white guy, blue eyes, dark hair, broad-shouldered, could fall under the stereotype of “dumb jock”, except he’s neither dumb nor a jock—told me a story about how he had overheard someone ask a Brazilian woman, “So… where are you from?” The woman took offense to that question and launched into a tirade: “Why don’t you just ask me what ethnicity I am?”

That someone, though, was honestly just inquiring where the woman was from: Delaware? Rhode Island?

I laughed—only because I have experienced both questions. Some people ask me where I am from and when I inform that I was born in an American state, they reset and ask again,”No—I meant, where are your parents from?” I invariably smirk and answer the question, though I wonder why they didn’t simply ask me to identify my ethnicity.

When I visited Vancouver earlier this year, I was struck with the number of Asian people in that city. Though Seattle is probably absolutely culturally and ethnically diverse, I must confess that I was disappointed with the relative homogeneity (having come from major metropolitan areas in California). Maybe it is a function of age; maybe it is a function of now living in a predominantly Caucasian area; maybe it is a function of increased life experience and curious interactions with individuals who have not meet many Asians—I am more aware now than I have ever been that I am Asian… that I am different. Sometimes it feels a bit lonely.

That doesn’t give me the liberty, though, to assume that everyone who is not Asian is applying stereotypes to me because I am Asian.

Hypocrisy isn’t becoming on anybody.