There are some things I know I shall never master. For example, though I entertain ideas of becoming a kung fu master (this includes flying across rooftops, running across water, etc.), that will never happen. Likewise, I will never be facile with all the variations of knot-tying. I am able to juggle three objects, but I do not anticipate acquiring the skills to juggle more objects or three potentially damaging objects (e.g. one flaming stick, one bowling ball, one chainsaw).
Then there are the things that I feel like I should have already mastered, and yet have not. This includes consistently removing muffins from muffin tins (and loaves from bread pans) without dropping or denting the baked product.
This activity should not be that difficult.
Even when using one of those flexible, silicone muffin “tins”, I sacrificed one muffin this morning to the ravenous gods of the Kitchen Floor. A cry of distress left my lips. I do not subscribe to the Five-Second Rule and thus, it was with great disappointment that I picked up the then misshapen confection before depositing it onto a nearby plate.
I’d like to forever escape this baking taxation. One muffin out of six is unjust.
(Though, admittedly, I ate the portion of the Tainted Muffin that wasn’t contaminated. It was tasty. Unmindfulness has its benefits.)
23 Dec 2007 |
Bah! The five-second (or 30-second!) rule is a time-honored way of keeping your immune system on its toes.
Furthermore, you generally have at least 30 seconds for wet foods, more for dry, and even more for Skittles.
I must condemn your wastage of quality foodstuffs in ignorance of the evidence, unless you think you have something really heinous on your kitchen floor.
Comment by Brock Tice | 23 Dec 2007 @ 4:25pm
:D
Delicious post.
I always wanted to master the art of eating bread while sitting on bed and not dropping breadcrumbs. But couldn’t :(
Comment by TDH | 23 Dec 2007 @ 9:42pm
Brock: Must you “condemn”? Can’t you simply “disagree with”? ;) My kitchen floor isn’t that heinous, but between (1) that specific area of the floor and (2) the moistness of the muffin, my cognitive distortions would not permit me to eat the muffin. Had it been a dry product (like an Oreo cookie), I would have gladly applied the Five-Second Rule.
TDH: Bread in bed… mmm. :)
Comment by Maria | 25 Dec 2007 @ 5:50pm
Given the rumored quality of your baked goods, I had thought condemnation might be in order, but in light of your comment, I can reduce it to “disagree with”. You make a good point about cognitive distortions. A muffin perceived to be tainted will not be as good as one that is not, regardless of the actual state of taintedness.
Comment by Brock Tice | 26 Dec 2007 @ 6:37am