(This was originally posted on February 14th, 2006.)

Welcome to the personal ads of Grand Rounds. It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re looking for that special someone—or just some stimulating entertainment. Skim the personals below and if any tickle your fancy, don’t be shy—that click could be the sound of a love connection.

♥Let’s Play Doctor. You: Curious, observant, personable. Me: Wearing nothing underneath the $60 paper gown from Victoria’s Secret.

♥I’ve learned my Wesson, cupcake—you’re a smart cookie and I’m nuts about you.

♥Tired of hearing, “Not tonight, honey?” Only latex, not cluster headaches, will stand between our love.

♥Roses are red, violets are blue… sometimes doctors are reluctant to take care of you.

♥ I’m a rear admiral and I’d like to introduce you to my seamen. I may not have that many, but it only takes one to make it into port.

♥Eye love you and you better nose it.

♥ Bandages don’t cover all wounds. You fell for him, but unfortunately, he’s the one who hurt you.

♥ The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name … and those things that no one else can see.

♥ My aim is better than Cupid’s, but no one ever sues him for recklessness.

♥ Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Since that shall keep my frustration at bay?

♥ Are you good at math? Let’s add you and me, subtract the distractions, and multiply our conversation, sweetie pi.

♥ Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps. The Liberian President makes much ado about what some think is nothing.

♥ I.C.U. and I like what I see, baby.

♥ I can’t get no satisfaction because without your good vibrations, I don’t got any rolling stones.

♥ What can I do to make you sleep with me? Perhaps you can help cure me of my insomnia… because melatonin won’t.

♥ Carpe diem! Even if your name isn’t Day, St. Valentine still wants me to seize you.

♥ Surrounding my twin peaks is a land of milk and honey. Keep abreast if you would like a taste.

♥ The rich boy didn’t turn out to be your knight? I’ll take care of you and treat you right.

♥ Justice and love may be blind, but at least my love cannot be bought.

♥ Urine-ticing, my love. I’ll whisper endless sweet nothings into your ears and never break your heart (… just your urethral strictures).

♥ There are about 206 bones in the human body, but, I insure you, there’s only one I’d like to pick with you.

♥ You don’t have to have X-ray vision to see how Cupid had made me stupid for you.

♥ If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together. Show me how I can write my wrongs.

♥ Be kind to animals; kiss a hockey player. Ezra Klein is kindly spreading the linky love while he takes a slapshot at health spending.

♥ Still haven’t found what you’re looking for? Crawl and scale the city walls to be with Dr. Andy next week when he hosts Grand Rounds.

♥ Ode on a Greek Intern. “Beauty is truth, truth beauty,”—thanks to Nick for the opportunity to host Grand Rounds.

(Thanks for reading… and I take full responsibility for all bad puns and tacky lines…)